In a bittersweet turn of events for the victorious senator, and now-President-elect Barack Obama, conservatives on this US election day eve began an en masse movement of suicide and emigration. Upon hearing the news that up to two thirds of 120 million US conservatives would not debase themselves by becoming subject to impending totalitarian PC demands for “unity” (i.e. forcible submission), leftist devotees in California interrupted incestuous celebrations with their media-elite cronies only long enough to chortle, “We guess that’ll mean fewer camps to build — fewer anti-progressives to re-educate, or punish to death in work camps for their horrible intolerance!”

When asked if there is room enough in the states for gulags which could accommodate the remaining 40 million conservatives, party leaders cavalierly asked how that figure was arrived at, and “What’s a gulag?”  

Despite myriad reports of innumerable depressed traditional families egressing the country’s porous-to-non-existent borders, or simply “offing” themselves with their soon-to-be-confiscated firearms, feverish celebrations of The One continued in anticipation of the night’s acceptance speeches from senior party leaders touting the party’s themes of New Tolerance and New Open Mindedness. 

Further inquiries as to who might actually now be counted on to procreate, or fight in the military, or hold down a job in this new incentive-challenged fiefdom, or even just make it out of the womb alive, were met with a slew of vulgar gestures, the question “What’s a fiefdom,” and a swelling din of voices singing “Ain’t no nannie like a nannie-state nannie ’cause a nannie-state nannie don’t stop.”

Don’t stop?!? almost rhymes with hemlock — on a night when a pox named Rampant Entitlement is fomenting many a terrible thirst.  

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